Why I Didn't Mean That

“I didn't mean that.”
“You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it.”

I finally understand one reason — perhaps the reason — which causes people to say things that they claim that don't mean. It was something that I was unable to understand in my youth because there was only one Bernie then: a present Bernie. I am old enough now to have a present Bernie and a past Bernie.

When I was young, I did as all kids do, I believed what I was told. My opinions were the opinions that others gave me. My feelings about religion, alcohol consumption, illegal drug use, honesty, abortion, people of other races, countries, sexual orientations, etc. were given to me by my parents, my teachers, my peers, and the news. Even my favorite brand of shoes was someone else's decision.

As I got older, I developed the ability to think for myself. I began to form my own opinions. However, the present Bernie does not always agree with the past Bernie. For example, my Dad was an alcoholic. My Mom left him when I was ten years old. My Dad got treatment, joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and stayed sober for the rest of his life. The past Bernie thinks that any alcohol consumption is bad; the present Bernie does not think that it is all bad. I don't drink — never have and never will; but, I am OK with other people drinking (as long as they do it responsibly).

When the present Bernie and the past Bernie disagree, sometimes the past Bernie gets a word in edgewise. That's when I'll say, “I didn't mean that.”

It can be very hard to deny how you were raised. When things get emotional, sometimes your mouth speaks the beliefs that were set in early in your life despite the fact that your brain currently has different opinions. The deeper the early beliefs are, the hard it is to override them.

So, next time you hear someone say, “I didn't mean that,” try responding with, “Then why did you say that?” and keep an open mind.